In The Present (Dec 14-21)

We’re Teaching This:

What is it about this time of year that causes us to feel a little more generous? We naturally think about helping families in need by providing Christmas presents or a meal, we visit soup kitchens, donate clothes, or drop food off at the local food pantry. Studies show we give more money and clothing to charity in December than any other time. But why? In the Gospel of John, we find a part of the Christmas story that doesn’t always make it into the nativity scene. Long before Mary and Joseph made it to Bethlehem. Long before there were choirs of angels visiting shepherd or wise men making their way from the East, Christmas began with a single decision made on our behalf. A decision God made to give. That simple but monumental decision has shaped this season ever since. And when we begin to understand all God has given to us, we can’t help but bring that tradition that began with His generosity into our present. 

Think About This:

By Sarah Anderson

Have you ever noticed that when it comes to our children—no matter what their age—the things we expect our children to enjoy and thank us for the most are usually the very things that go unnoticed or unappreciated? I’ve started noticing it in my own preschool aged kids that when I pull out my best parenting tricks, my best memory-making ideas, it is sometimes met with them being bored, not impressed, and lacking gratitude.

The problem I face as a parent, and the problem all of us face to one degree or another, is what pastor Andy Stanley refers to as the tendency to raise experientially rich kids, but instead of raising relationally rich ones. In other words, in our effort to want to give our kids everything, we create the chance for them to have some pretty amazing experiences but often neglect actually connecting with them.

This becomes all the more complicated as our children become teenagers and appear to want neither experiences nor relationships with us.

It’s hard not to take personally. But I’ve found that what students express as “wants” or “don’t wants” often doesn’t reflect their true desires. While they appear indifferent, that isn’t always the case. Our students, regardless of their age, temperament or wiring, are needing purposeful and committed relationships—with us. Strong relationships with their parents now will lay the groundwork for strong relationships in the future.  

They need to know—though they aren’t often willing to ask us directly—that we like them and we want to hang out with them. Maybe they aren’t looking for some big expensive vacation or experience. Maybe they don’t need anything that dramatic—just the chance for us to be with them and a chance to make a connection.

Try This

 

Maybe your student moving out of the house feels like it is a long way off. It could be several years away, or it could be in a matter of months. Try thinking about their time with you in terms of the number of holidays you have while they still live in your house. Your teenager may be four years from moving out, but that means you only have four Christmases left.

“When you know how much time you have left, you tend to do more with the time you have now.”

-Reggie Joiner

Take some time this holiday season to sit down with your student and together come up with a tradition you can repeat for the Christmas seasons you have left. It doesn’t have to be anything big, expensive or super time-consuming. But it does have to be something your teenager wants to do—and something that gives you the chance to have shared experience together and further your relationship as well.

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.

Catching Fire (Nov 23-Dec 7)

 

We Taught This:

When you were a little kid, did you ever try to light something on fire using a magnifying glass? Did you love sitting around a campfire? Or dream about the day when you’d be old enough to light the fireworks yourself? It seems there’s something in all of us that is fascinated by the power of fire. But along with that power comes a lot of responsibility. Depending on how it is used, fire has the power to make our lives better or to destroy everything we care about. But flames aren’t the only things with that kind of power. The Bible teaches that our words, our comments, and our conversations, can have a lot in common with fire. We’ve all seen how words used recklessly can quickly get out of control and leave everything a charred mess. But imagine what would be possible if we began using the power in our words for something good and beautiful instead? What if instead of using our words to destroy, we used them to build something amazing?

 

Think About This:

Have you ever noticed how sometimes one little thing going wrong can ruin your entire day? Or maybe you’ve noticed the opposite. One small gesture, one kind word, one solid compliment can turn a rotten day into a good one.

 

In their book, How Full Is Your Bucket, Donald Clifton and Tom Rath talk about how our daily interactions with people have the power to shape our lives—for better or for worse.  They say that we all have a bucket and everything negative done to us, and everything negative we do to others works to empty our bucket—poisoning our outlook. At the same time, every positive interaction that we give or receive fills our buckets and improves the way we view the world.

 

These two authors believe that the daily effort made to fill our buckets (by choosing positive words and actions) could potentially determine a direction for our lives and the lives of those around us.

 

Whether you buy into this idea completely or not, it’s hard to argue with the power of positivity when you see it in action. And what if they are on to something? What if becoming more intentional about making optimistic choices does intensely impact the relationships we have with those closest to us? Or what if it actually does impact our productivity at work and at home?

Would you be willing to try filling your bucket (and consequently your student’s bucket) with positive words and actions this week? Make it an experiment. Maybe, it will impact the quality of your day. Maybe it will improve the emotional climate of your home.

Maybe it won’t.

But why not try? What’s the worst that could happen?

Try This

For whatever reason, the people that mean the most to us are often the ones we have the hardest time encouraging. This week, try working to change that.

This week, try telling your student just how proud of them you really are.

• Choose the time of day: Maybe it’s best to talk to them in the morning. Maybe after school. Maybe in the car. Maybe before bed.

 

• Choose the method: You can send a text, write a note they’ll find in their backpack, or say it to their face.

Whatever you decide to do, simply make the effort this week to fill your student’s bucket—and when you do, you just may be surprised at how full your own gets in return.

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.

Silver Lining (Nov 2-16)

We’re Teaching This:

Have you ever heard someone say: Every cloud has a silver lining? It means with every storm, with every cloud, there is a something good about it. That’s a nice little saying, but sometimes silver linings are hard to find in real life, aren’t they? It’s hard to see the good qualities when it comes to people at school who aren’t so nice to you or teachers who make your day miserable. Maybe the hardest place to see a silver lining is your family. In the best situations, family members can be annoying, but for many of us it goes beyond that to real brokenness and painful memories. Very few families in history have experienced more brokenness than Joseph’s did in the Bible. After his father played favorites and his brothers sold him into slavery, it must have been hard to believe any good would come out of his situation. But through Joseph’s story, we see that God can use us to change our relationship with even the most difficult family members. And if we’re willing to look for it, we may just find the silver lining in our family.

Think About This:

No one needs to tell you that we live in a fast-paced culture. You would be the first one to say that life is complicated, family is challenging and busyness, pressure and tension are probably at a high in your life. We may all have different circumstances creating the exhaustion that we find dictating our lives, but the end result is the same. We are tired. We are worn out. We are on our last nerve and operating off depleted reserves when it comes the people who need us the most: our family.

And the reality is, we aren’t the only ones stretched a little thin. Our students are too. Their tempers are even shorter than ours. They’re as quick to snap as we are.  So what do we do to relieve the tension and begin to bring sanity back to our families?

We get serious about having fun.

There is actually a science to it. When we laugh, enjoy ourselves, and learn to let go we can actually reduce the amount of stress in our lives. It feels counterintuitive. It feels counterproductive. But it’s true. Sometimes the best thing we can do for our family is to be as committed to fun as we are to our schedules. We need to get creative and intentional about ways we, as an entire family, can learn to have more fun and in the process actually begin to enjoy one another more.

• Try a change of scenery. Just leave the house together. Try heading to a local park for a picnic dinner or moving homework time to a coffee shop. Sometimes just going some place different can lighten the mood

• Try something new. Attempting something together that is a new experience for everyone can not only be fun but also strengthen our relationships. If you’re not sure where to start, check discount websites like www.groupon.com for inexpensive classes you can take as a family.

• Try something tried and true. Sometimes just the retelling of an old family story that always gets a laugh is enough to draw out the silver lining in our family. Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself for the sake of your family. Nothing harms a family dynamic like everyone taking themselves too seriously. So pull out a photo album or drive by your old elementary school and have a good laugh.

The point is, in order to find the silver lining with our family, we have to make fun a priority. Just laugh.  Be goofy together. And in doing that you may find your teenagers aren’t as bad you thought they were—and they might end up thinking the same thing about you.

Try This

Sometimes the quickest way to see the best in someone is have fun with them. So try planning a “family fun night”.  Now hold on. Don’t check out yet. Maybe you worry your teenagers think this would be a terrible idea—that anything their family plans would be lame. But we did some of the work for you and asked real students what they would actually enjoy doing with their family. (See? They don’t really despise you all of the time, even though it may feel like it.)

So take a look at the list below and find one that works for your family—or use these ideas as a springboard to come up with your own.

I love going out to eat with my family and going shopping at weird little thrift stores in town. – Kat, 15.

I like going to the movies with them. – Sam, 16

  

Movie night at home is always fun. – Olivia, 17

Bowling night! – Maddie, 15

Family lake day! – Sean, 17s

I love vacations because it gets us away from other people so we can hang out together. –Sadie, 14

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.

Alive (Oct 12-26)

We’re Teaching This:

 

Words are powerful. They can make your day or ruin it. Words can make friends or create enemies. On a global level, words can start a revolution or bring peace. Now, think about how much more powerful God’s words are.  Simply by speaking He caused the world to be created along with everything in it— mountains, oceans, thunderstorms, planets, the sun. His words caused nations to rise and fall, and people who were dead to come back to life. God’s words are the most powerful force in our entire world, but if we’re honest…most of us don’t think of them that way. We hear “God’s Word” or “the Bible” and think about an old dusty book, something complicated, outdated, or even boring. But what if it was never meant to be that way? What if we’re missing out by seeing it as simply a history book or something to study? As we take a closer look at God’s Word, we may be surprised at what we find. God is inviting us to hold, read, and experience the same Word that created everything we see. It’s more than a book. It’s better than a story. It’s alive.

Think About This:

 

Do you like to study? Probably not. It’s almost a universal “dislike”. And if we’re honest, most of us don’t envy our student’s position of being required to study history or math or literature everyday. Sure, going back to relive parts of high school or middle school might be nice, but we’ll pass on the actual studying part. But did you know students often take their cues from their parents when it comes to learning, growing, and studying? In the article, “The Role of Parents, PBSparents.org puts it this way, “one thing remains constant: we are our children’s learning models. Our attitudes about education can inspire theirs and show them how to take charge of their own educational journey.” (http://www.pbs.org/parents/education/going-to-school/supporting-your-learner/role-of-parents/)

That means our attitude—good or bad—toward learning new things will ultimately rub off on our students. Obviously, this affects them when it comes to school—but it also impacts their willingness to learn and investigate areas of their faith as well. While we may feel there is value in learning the principles found in the Bible, and though we want our teenagers to begin to develop a faith of their own, with that comes some really tough questions. And fear of not having all the answers can intimidate us into believing it’s a job better left to the church. But what if talking about faith didn’t have to be so scary? What if having all of the answers wasn’t a pre-requisite for having a conversation?

One step any parent can take—no matter where they are in their personal faith journey—is to choose to model curiosity. The reality is, no parent has all the answers. But every parent has the ability to demonstrate a positive attitude toward learning by choosing to learn with their student.  This is true whether the topic is faith, history, literature, or Calculus. That’s why many schools have encouraged parents to see themselves as co-learners with their student. Seeing their parents model a healthy willingness to learn has a huge impact on the students’ attitudes.

So when you don’t know, ask questions. Find answers—together. No matter the subject, involve your student in the process. In doing so, you’ll teach them the confidence to do the same.

Try This

 

Did you know you don’t even have to believe something to learn from it? Think about it, did you ever learn something from a fiction book, even though you didn’t believe it actually happened? Probably so. Even if you aren’t sure whether you believe the Bible and all its teachings, you owe it to yourself (and to your child) to read at least part of the book that has so shaped our culture. If you do believe the Bible is true and accurate, that’s all the more reason to give it your time and attention.

 
This week, try reading just one verse and encourage your student to read the same one. You can use the example activity below. Write out a response to the question and then compare answers next time you’re together. It doesn’t have to be anything profound, just a simple take-away that each of you can share with the other.

- - -

The following is a quote from Jesus. Read it and write an answer to the question below.

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. (Matthew 7:12 NIV)

What is one way your life might look differently if you started living this way today?

- - -

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.

Alter Ego (Sep 14- Oct 5)

We’re Teaching This:

Everyone loves a superhero. Superman. Spiderman. Iron man. They swoop in and fight the bad guys, save the day, and somehow make their spandex suit look cool all at the same time. What would you do if you met one of these guys on the street? Pose for a selfie? Ask for an autograph? Probably none of the above. Chances are you wouldn’t recognize Superman or Spiderman on the street.  Why? Because almost all superheroes have another side, their mild, unassuming, simply-not-as-awesome alter ego. Sure, the public persona is amazing. But, their real, every-day life identity is rarely as impressive. In that way, we all have something in common with superheroes. There’s a public side of us. A super-identity that most of the world gets to see. We’re funny. We have friends. We’re confident. But deep in our hearts, we know there’s an alter ego—a less than super side that we’d rather hide away. As we take a closer look at three personality traits that often bury themselves in our alter egos, we find that God has something to say about each one that can free us from living a double-life.

Think About This:

What personal traits do you hope that you’ll pass on to your teenager? Work ethic? Responsibility? A good attitude? We all have parts of our own personalities that we hope and pray will surface one day in our students. If we’re honest, we probably have a few traits that we’d rather not pass along as well. In her article, “Help for Stressed Out Families”, author Kara Powell explores one personality trait that we may accidentally pass on to our students without even realizing it.

According to the Stress in America study conducted by the American Psychological Association, no parent is an island.  Our own stress trickles, or in some cases, gushes, through our family.  Some of the most interesting (and may I say personally convicting) findings include:

•                  One-third of children surveyed between ages 8-17 believe their parent has been “always” or “often” worried or stressed out about things during the past month.

•                  Four in 10 children report feeling sad when their parent is stressed or worried.

•                  One-third of children (34 percent) say they know their parent is worried or stressed out when they yell. Other signs of parental stress perceived by children are arguing with other people in the house, complaining or telling children about their problems and being too busy or not having enough time to spend with them.

•                  Nearly a third of children surveyed between ages 8-17 reported that in the past month, they experienced physical health symptoms that are often associated with stress such as sleep problems, headaches, and an upset stomach.

As disconcerting as those findings are, something else bothers me more.  The study also found that parents are largely unaware of their kids’ stress levels.
http://stickyfaith.org/articles/help-for-stressed-out-families#sthash.j1R6lvfU.dpuf

When it comes to handling just about every area of life, students take their cue from how they have seen their parents react. That’s why stressed out parents can sometimes unintentionally raise stressed out students. In the same way, parents who struggle with anger, selfishness, shame, or other difficulties can likely pass those traits on without meaning to. No parent is perfect. We all have quirks, tendencies, and habits that we wish would go away.  So what can you do to ensure that your personal struggles don’t accidentally trickle down to your student?

Share the struggle. One way to help your student avoid certain habits is to be honest (in an age-appropriate way) about the habits or tendencies that you wish you could change. And, let your student know how you’re working on it. Say something like, “Hey, I know that when I’m stressed out from work, I sometimes snap at the people around me. I know that isn’t okay and I’m working on having better boundaries so that work stress doesn’t become home stress.” Or maybe try something like, “I know you saw me yell at the cashier last week in anger. I’m really embarrassed that my temper was out of control and it’s something I’m working on. I’m going to apologize to her when we buy groceries this week.”

Try This

Think about an aspect of your personality that you’d rather not pass on to your student. It may be helpful to focus on one that most affects your teenager. Now consider writing them a two or three sentence apology and leaving it in a place where they will find it. Include how you are working on this area of your life. Try to incorporate the following points as you write your apology:

·        Pinpoint the struggle (anxiety, selfishness, anger, insecurity, stress, etc…)

·        Apologize for the way you have seen it affect your teenager and/or your family.

·        Identify a way that you are working on overcoming that struggle.

For example:

Dear ________. I’ve noticed I have a tendency to act like my time is more important than everyone else’s. I’ve been late too often to your game/recital/practice.  That is really selfish and I’m sorry for how it has affected you. Please know that I’m working on becoming a better manager of time by downloading a "calendaring" app on my phone and scheduling reminders to help me leave on time.

 

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.

Comparison Trap (Aug 24-Sep 7)

We’re Teaching This:

On a scale of one to ten, how do you measure up? Are you tall enough? Pretty enough? Smart enough? Funny enough? And on that scale, which number represents enough? Do you have to score a ten or will a solid seven do? How about a five? It’s better than average, right? Most of us measure how we’re doing by how everyone else is doing. Not a day goes by that we’re not tempted to glance to our left and to our right to see how we measure up to the people around us. This is especially true at school. We see everyone else’s grades, clothes, athletic ability, talent, and popularity. And it’s easy to feel like we don’t measure up.  So we adjust course, try harder, spend more, and then compare again. It's exhausting. In this 3-part series, Andy Stanley explores the difficult—but not impossible—challenge of escaping The Comparison Trap.

Think About This:

Parenting is hard. We probably knew going in that it wouldn’t always be a walk in the park. But, as a parent, have you noticed there are some curve balls that you just don’t know how to handle?

Chances are, you knew your kids were going to be different from one another. But it’s also likely you had no idea just how different they could be until you started raising them—until they hit a certain age and suddenly what you assumed would be true of one of your kids because it was true of an older one—just isn’t. Sometimes it feels like you have to learn how to parent all over again with each child. And sometimes not just with each child, but through each life-stage your children experience.

We may not do it on purpose, but there is a tendency to compare that comes so naturally and so easily. We bring attention to the ways our students are different from their siblings, their friends, our friends, and even earlier versions of themselves. It’s so tempting to say, “But why can’t you just be like______?” The problem is, comparison rarely works. It doesn’t make students want to try harder and it can often lead to resentment toward the parents and the sibling with whom they’re compared. Even within the family, there is no win in comparison.

Sameness isn’t even really a goal worth shooting for. Maybe there are traits in one of your children that you’d like the others to take on. That’s great, but you probably don’t want them to be exact replicas. A better goal is to be intentional in learning, studying, and celebrating the personality and wiring of each individual child.

Try This:

No one wants to feel like they don’t measure up. Especially not in the place where they want to feel the safest and most secure. Work on making your family and your home the place where who your child is celebrated and not compared.

This week, point out something in your teenager that you appreciate. Find something that you have seen grow and develop in them that is a strength and then tell them how proud of them you are.

Then find something that, at first glance, feels like something you would change—that you would compare to someone else and wish away. And then find a way to leverage it. To see the good in it. For example,

• “I know I’m often on your case about talking too much in class, but I want you to know that I also love how social you are. You are great at managing a lot of friendships.”
• “I know that I get upset when you fight with your younger brother, but I also recognize that you’re just trying to get him to act in a way that is more socially acceptable. Thanks for wanting to help him.”
• “Yesterday we had an argument about playing guitar instead of cleaning your room. While I still want you to have a clean room, I’m also really proud of you for working so hard to learn to play the guitar well.”

Finding a way to celebrate something you had vocally been frustrated over in the past will mean more than you can imagine to your student. Don’t underestimate the value of your affirmation.

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.