.JPG)
1.
Be a Student of What They are Learning
Not
everyone has it together when it comes to knowing what God wants for their
lives. But sometimes it certainly feels like everyone else does—and we don’t.
And when your student feels that way, it can make them feel pretty left out and
uncertain about their relationship with God and where their life is going. But
what if hearing from God isn’t about exclusivity—who’s in and who’s out—but
rather inclusivity, meaning that everyone gets to play in the game of God’s
plan? When it comes to those not-so-easy life decisions, God has given us a
very clear-cut grid based on His love for us, our love for Him and our love for
others. So, knowing God’s will is less about signs and more about knowing the
narrative of His great story and how we fit into it. God’s great love for you
student is the most important factor in discovering His will for their life.
So, when they wonder why they can’t seem to connect with God, we can encourage
them that God does speak to them and wants them to be encouraged by His purpose
for their lives.
2.
Be a Student of Your Student
Do
you remember when you left home? What it felt like the first time you paid your
own bills, got your own gas and made your own dentist appointment? Do you
remember what it felt like when the realization came that you were finally on
your own? You were an adult, for better or for worse. For a lot of us, this
feeling came when we packed our bags and headed off to college. Or, maybe it
was when we graduated from college. Maybe for some of us, it was after we spent
a few months at home following college graduation before we got our feet on the
ground. But, for the most part, when we look back and try to recall the journey
into adulthood, most of our journeys look the same. We packed our bags and we
headed out.
Maybe
you've noticed that things don't look that way anymore. And if you have noticed
that, there is a reason. Adulthood for students today is taking a lot longer to
reach than it once did. In fact, recent studies show that adulthood isn't
reached until teenagers are in their mid to late twenties. Not eighteen, not
college graduation, but years beyond. And there are many reasons why.
Historically,
adolescents went through something called “stage development.” This meant that
a student went through a progression of stages until they finally reached
adulthood—until they were completely independent and self-sufficient. And, this
was considered healthy, normal adolescent development. The problem is that
these developmental stages don’t recognize what’s going on with kids today.
Let’s take a look back. In the United States in 1900, the average age of
puberty for young women and men was 14.5 years of age and at the age of 16, one
was considered to be an “adult.” Now, let’s fast-forward a century to 2005. The
average age of puberty drops to 11.7 but the mid to late twenties are now the
new adulthood. The ever-expanding gap between early physical maturity and late
emotional/developmental maturity can be very difficult for our students to
navigate.
So,
with this research, it is fair to say that there is an extension of
adolescence. Our kids brains are taking longer to mature and develop, so their
ability to take on the responsibility that adulthood requires isn't just
something they are neglecting to do well, but something they can't necessarily
do well for several more years. This means that the finish line we have for our
kids—the one that says out of the house by eighteen and financially independent
by graduation—may need to change. So what does this mean for parents of
mid-to-late adolescents? How can we help our kids reach adulthood equipped with
what they need to be successful?
We
may need to see our job as parents as one that extends farther than it did for
our parents when we were in our kid's shoes. We may need to open our doors back
up after college while we work with them as they ease into the reality of the
real world. We need to be their advocate. We need to be on their team. We need
to be a partner to help them become the most confident and capable adults they
can be—even it takes longer than we think it should. We need to be willing to
move the finish line and allow our students the time they need to become the
mature, well-rounded adults we know God is shaping them to be.
3.
Action Point
It
can be hard for many of us to think of resetting the finish line for our
students and extending it past the commonly accepted milestone of high school
graduation. Yet, today’s students are developmentally in a very different place
than most of us were at the age of 18. For this Parent Cue, you are going to
set aside some time to sit down with your student and help them set some
spiritual, educational, personal and any other specific goals that they would
like to see themselves reach at the age of 25. As you begin to set these goals,
ask yourself the following question: How can I begin to help my student
along the path of attaining these goals?
As
well, as you and your student begin to dialog about these future goals, ask
them what practical things would they like you to do to help them on their
journey towards adulthood?
Remember,
this exercise is not about your goals for your student, but rather their
own goals for themselves. Be sure to listen to what their hopes and dreams are.
If their goal is to have traveled the world by 25 instead of received their
Master’s degree, be sure to encourage that dream while providing them with the
wisdom you have gained from your own life experiences.
As
well, as you help your student set his or her goals and as you begin to
dialogue about how you can help, keep in mind that while this is an exercise in
partnership, this is not meant to be an area that you take ownership over.
Encourage healthy responsibility while recognizing your student’s need for
extended support so that they have the best chance to become a spiritually
healthy, emotionally well-rounded adult.
Posts
