Ten (Nov 3-Dec 1)

1. We’re Teaching this.

Thirty-five hundred years ago Moses came down from Mt. Sinai with a short list of rules that has shaped the values of people and nations for centuries. We know them as the Ten Commandments, but do we really know them? Many people believe that the rules are a condition for a relationship with God, things we must do to get in His good graces. That is the opposite of the truth! The relationship came before the rules. And the commandments were meant to not only reveal God’s heart, but to keep His people free.

2. Think About This

From Losing Your Marbles / Playing for Keeps by Reggie Joiner, Kristen Ivy, & Elizabeth Hansen

Most of you aren’t planning to pack up a duffle bag, walk out the door, and never turn around. But there are times, for many of us, when we (unintentionally) disengage emotionally.

There will come a time in every kid’s life when things get messy. Maybe they get sick. Maybe they become sad or hurt emotionally. Maybe they suffer a natural consequence to a decision they made. These aren’t 
the kind of circumstances you create, and you certainly can’t change them—even though you might want to. But how you respond in these critical moments will forever impact your relationship. And it will affect the way they respond to and interpret their situations.

It’s interesting when you read the Bible and watch how God interacted with the Israelites in the Old Testament. He showed up. He gave them rules. And then they broke the rules, over and over and over again.

Maybe rules were made knowing they would be broken.
 It’s not that rules weren’t made to be followed. I’m sure if we all followed every rule, there would be less anger, pain, and violence. When a rule is broken, it creates a unique opportunity to prove love.

In other words, you have an opportunity as a parent or as a leader
to show up in the life of a kid or teenager to give them rules that will help keep them safe physically and emotionally. But when they break a rule (and at some point they will), and you show up anyway, you communicate unconditional love.

That’s what God did. He gave the rules.
 We broke them. 
He showed up anyway.

It doesn’t mean that there won’t be consequences. It doesn’t mean that there’s no place for correction or instruction. Of course, we want to help kids and teenagers learn from their experiences and make wise choices in the future. But it does mean that you should never punish them relationally. Regardless of what they’ve done, you still have the opportunity to show up to prove…

• You aren’t going anywhere. 

• They still matter.
• You will see them through the mess.

3. Try This

Mistakes are both healthy and inevitable. So how do we respond in a way that reinforces boundaries without risking the relationship?

• Decide in advance how you will respond. In tough moments, with emotions running high, it is so tempting to respond with words or actions that you may later regret. Have a family plan for what happens when rules are broken.
• Keep the relationship first. If we model permanent, life-long, nothing-you-can-do-will-keep-me-from-loving-you relationships, they will learn to do the same.
• Stick to the consequences.  Consequences are healthy. One of the best things you can do for your student is plan, implement, and stick with consequences.  When they apologize or we sense remorse, it is so tempting to say, “Oh alright, no consequences this time”, but remember that they are learning a principle that they will apply to more than one situation.
• Communicate the plan. An easy way to confirm that students understand expectations is have them repeat them back to you in the form of an “if/then” statement. For example: “If I get all A’s, then I will be allowed to have a sleepover.” “If I text after 10pm, then I will lose my phone for 1 week.”

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.

Post It (Oct 20-27)

1. We’re Teaching This

Let's be honest. We've all been guilty of painting a less-than-honest picture of ourselves or others through social media. But the Bible reminds us that what we say—whether on-line or in person—matters. How we talk about others, and ourselves, is important. And it all starts with what's inside our hearts. So where do you need to rethink what you say on-line? What things are you dealing with inside that need to stop showing up on your newsfeed? What do you need to do to become the person you want to be—not just the person you want everyone to think you are? 

 

2. Think About This

I remember when my family got our first VCR machine. I was in elementary school and this “new technology” seemed so cool. You could just pop in a video–remember those—and watch any movie you wanted to without having to actually go to the movies. It was the beginning of the home theatre.

 

Just the other night, my kids and I wanted to watch a movie and I was reminded of how much this experience has changed. As we scrolled through the hundreds of movie titles on our Netflix feed, I found myself frustrated that we couldn’t find what we wanted to watch. Would I actually have to go look at Hulu or Amazon to find the movie we wanted? Then, once we found what we wanted, I put in my password and a message came up telling me that I would have to wait a few minutes for my movie to load and if it didn’t, to call Amazon directly. I started to get a little bit frustrated, until I looked over at my daughter who was REALLY frustrated. And I paused. This isn’t that big of a deal. I used to have to drive to Blockbuster, spend 30 minutes walking around the store looking for a movie, stand in line to pay and drive back home all before we could even put the movie in.

 

It’s funny how nowadays, everything is at our fingertips and yet we are less satisfied and less patient. You wake up in the morning and turn on the television. Instantly, you have all the latest news right in front of you from around the world. You’re driving in your car and you hear a song that you really like. You grab your phone, type in a few lyrics and find out who the artist is, along with the album, song and entire discography. We don’t have to wait for anything these days. We live in a world where we can have what we want almost immediately. And sometimes this availability in the world of technology and media gets transferred to other areas of our lives. Even areas that are meant to take more time and be a bit difficult, like relationships with other people and with God; even our own relationship with ourselves. But sometimes, the waiting process—delaying the gratification of something we want, of a result we want to see–is a really healthy and good thing. Because the old adage “good things are worth waiting for” is true. Waiting for something—going through a process—can make us appreciate the whole experience more. And if we aren’t careful, our relationship with technology and the expectation of immediacy it fosters will rob us of the ability to exercise the wonderful discipline of delayed gratification.

 

Maybe there’s some merit to this idea of waiting on something and even waiting for something. Maybe by waiting a bit—waiting to check our cell phones, Facebook feeds, Twitter feeds, email, text messages, you name it—we will begin to move at a faster pace with the most important things: our relationships. Maybe we can learn to slow down a bit. Breathe a bit. Look around a bit. And ultimately, enjoy the beautiful relationships and experiences that come with waiting and resting.

 

3. Try This

Choose one night and get everyone in your family off the grid. That means a full media blackout for everyone in your household for 6-9 hours. No Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Vine … no Internet at all. In fact, get really serious and have a designated and out-of-reach spot for everyone to put their phones—and iPads, tablets … you name it—and instead, spend that time in face-to-face, quality family time. You could go out for a family night or a have a media-free zone at home and have a meal and after-dinner game night together. Here are some fun dinner table questions to get your night rolling.

 

• If you could have picked your own name, what would it be?
• If you had to eat the same meal every night for dinner, what would you eat?
• Which of your friends do you think I/we like the most? Why?
• What is the earliest memory you have of our family?
• What would you do if you were invisible for a day?
• Would you rather be: A professional athlete, an actor/actress or a singer? Why?
• What punishment have I/we given you that you thought was really unfair? Why?
• What fast food restaurant could you eat at for an entire day—breakfast, lunch and dinner?

 

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.