No Limits (Apr 27-May 18)

 

 

 

 

 

 

We’re Teaching This:

When you were little, what did you dream about becoming? An astronaut? A ballerina? A professional wrestler? Whatever it was, chances are it was something that you felt was important. Something big.  That’s the thing about little kids— they dream big because no one has told them that they can’t do something yet. They literally have no limits. But as we grow up we start to see the areas we lack. We’re not the most popular, influential or talented. And eventually we start to wonder if we can ever do or be anything significant. That’s exactly what happened to a guy named Moses. With a tough past and not many real skills, he had no reason to believe that his life would be used to do anything extraordinary. But after a few encounters with God, Moses’ perspective changed completely. He found that with God, there is no limit to what you can do.

 

Think About This:

Do you ever wonder if you’re that parent? You know the one. The imaginary bar determining your success as a parent is always just out of reach. Or maybe you worry about over-parenting. You know you should probably back off a little bit—but you can’t help but always push, expect, encourage the best from your student. The truth is, parents usually are not satisfied with how they’re parenting—whether that is too much, too little, or a strange combination of both. And, every student is different—so it’s hard to gauge whether we are pushing them to succeed or pushing them to the brink of a breakdown. At some point or another, most of us wonder whether we expect too much or too little.  

 

Research seems to suggest that, knowingly or unknowingly, most of us err on the side of too much pressure.  In the Pew Research article, Parental Pressure on Students, authors Richard Wike and Juliana Horowitz ask, Have American parents become too pushy about their kids’ education? Many experts seem to think so, judging from several new books by journalists and psychologists that bemoan the growing pressure students feel to do well in school. But at least one group of non-experts — the American public — begs to differ. According to a Pew Global Attitudes survey, most Americans think parents are not pushing their children hard enough.

 

In other words, while most of us think we aren’t expecting enough out of our students, researchers and experts feel our expectations may be a little too high. So what exactly are we supposed to do?

 

Visit tomorrow but live in today. Especially with high school students, it’s easy to let most of our conversations drift toward what happens next. Decisions about classes, study habits, dating, and extra-curriculars lure us towards focusing on the future. And sure, college is coming, but our student isn’t there yet. For them, it can be overwhelming to feel like they have to have all of the answers about what’s next while still juggling the expectations they feel today. That doesn’t mean we should never talk about future goals, but don’t let it take up all of your conversational space. Be present in their present.

 

Believe the best —and say so. Sometimes our students will win in a certain situation and sometimes they’ll lose. Sometimes their choices will make us proud and other times they’ll make us cringe. Most students have a tendency to confuse our feelings about their actions with our feelings about them. But in every situation, communicate your belief in your student. Their performance, their behavior, their attitudes don’t diminish their value. They’re significant. Valuable. Worthwhile. Don’t ever miss a chance to tell them so. Consider making an extra effort to communicate that you believe good things about them regardless of how they perform at school or on the athletic field. Try saying something like this, “I wish you hadn’t cheated on your test and there will definitely be some consequences, but I don’t believe this is in your character. I know you’re an honest person and next time I really think you’ll study harder to make the grade.”

Try This

Sometimes what we say and what the other person hears are two different things. Often, it’s hard to know if they could use a little extra encouragement or a little less pressure.  Try asking your student for feedback using the tool below. Chances are you and your student will have different answers. That’s okay! Don’t let it discourage you! Use it as a conversation starter. Afterward consider showing your student how you answered. No need to make it a formal meeting. And, this doesn’t mean that you have to give in when they say, “I want you to bug me less about my math grade”. It simply shows them that you care what they think and it gives you both a way to get on the same page as you move forward.

 

Click on the link to access and download the activity:

No Limits Survey      

 

Use the section labeled “For the parent” to gauge where on the scale your parenting falls. Then cut along the dotted line and give the section labeled “For the student” to your student. Don’t ask them to complete it in front of you. Give them space to think about it and a place they can leave it for you when they finish.

Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.

Amplify (Apr 6-20)

We’re Teaching This:

Can God hear me? Does God even exist? Did Jesus actually rise from the dead, really? And what about all the other stuff in the Bible? Did it really happen? How do you know? When it comes to faith, we all have our doubts. Every single one of us. And yet, for many of us, church can feel like the last place we would go to ask questions. Why is that?  For most of us, doubt feels like something we should hide, ignore, or silence. If there’s a volume dial, we should turn it down. But is that always true? Does having faith mean I can’t have doubt or does having doubt cancel out the faith I do have? When we look closer we find that amplifying our doubt, turning up the volume on the right questions, may just be the best thing that ever happened to our faith.

Think About This:

Why do we have belly buttons? Why does the lawn mower make that funny noise? Why do I have to take a bath? Every young kid goes through that stage. The one where it seems there is a question about everything. At the time it made us crazy, but if we’re honest, a lot of us wouldn’t mind going back to those types of questions. At least those had easier answers.

As our kids grow into teens, the questions may be fewer but they become way more complicated. It’s harder for us, but completely normal for them—part of maturing is asking questions and pushing back on what has been taught. Especially in the area of faith, this can be really healthy. But, tough questions about faith can leave parents feeling a lot of pressure to have all the answers right now. 

Thankfully, in his article, “I Doubt it”, Reggie Joiner suggests that maybe having all the answers isn’t the best approach. “Relax when your children ask skeptical questions. … If you want your children to own their own faith, then you have to let them face their own doubts.”

In other words, letting our students face their doubt doesn’t mean we ignore their more challenging questions, but instead we hear them, and refuse to panic when we do. This alone can go a long way in teaching teens that having doubt is not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes just saying, “I don’t know” or “let’s find out together” can be the best response to a tough question.

Reggie goes on to remind parents that doubt is part of a long journey.

You may have a primary role in shaping your kid’s faith, but you will never be able to control what they believe or don’t believe. If you could simply talk your kids into believing what you believe, then chances are someone else will talk them out of it one day. The spiritual growth of your children will take a number of twists and turns during their life. Most of us tend to forget the complicated spiritual journey that has shaped our faith. We expect our kids to skip that somehow. (from http://www.orangeparents.org/i-doubt-it/) 

 

Try This

Most students don’t need a parent who has all the answers, but they do need an example of how to live out your faith even when you still have doubts. They need a model of healthy curiosity—the kind that doesn’t give up just because tough questions arise.

Next time a question or a doubt arises in your mind, try mentioning it to your student. It doesn’t have to be very serious or formal. You can begin this way:

• “You know, I was just thinking. I wonder why God does this… ”
• “I’ve never been able to figure out …”
• “I wish I knew… ”

You don’t have to have an answer prepared. Just being honest about the question may go a long way in helping your teen have faith even when they experience doubt.